You know when...

you are closing a door and sometimes it just needs that extra push because it did not close all the way? OR you can tell it's closing way to fast so you stick your foot out to keep it open just a little or give it a extra nudge to make it open again? Well there is this one relationship I've been in for the past ummm 7 years that is best described by the door scenario above. I KNOW (he does to) the dang door needs to close but I never push hard enough to make sure it closes totally. OR it's on its way to closing and I do not want it close just yet so I stick my foot out. (Not to say that it' only me preventing it from closing I would say both of us have been guilty of it). Anywho that is besides the point. Why do I fight it??? Is it because I'm scared that I'm not going to find someone like him? Ummm do I want to find someone like him?? Is it because I'm kinda scared about being alone? Am I scared that I have no idea what to do now? The hurt I feel in my heart is best described as losing your best friend. He was totally my best friend for a long time and I'm going to miss that. I feel that I'm more ready now than I've ever been in my life. Believe me people, that is progress. I have not been able to say that until now. So I'm not fighting the door anymore. I am going to be sad saying goodbye to him tonight. I will say that these past 7 years have definitely been a learning experience. So I'm going to add two songs to my list... One is Goodbye from one of the previous "door is closing way to fast for me" and he said that I could listen to that song and it says everything and then some of what he wants me to know. The second is the song that Emma, Olivia and I jammed to... At least I have 3 great reasons to smile at any time of the day now.



P.S I will get myself up to the usual upbeat tones of the blog once I get all of my pictures uploaded from the Rodeo. I had a blast all THREE times! =)